I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
