I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
