Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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