dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
