So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize