i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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