Where is the hickey?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
