Its about making memories worth repressing
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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