I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A+ Viking dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
