I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
