my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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