You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize