The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
