dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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