Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
