he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
