I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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