Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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