Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
