i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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