I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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