I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
