The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
