I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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