You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
