I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
