I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
