My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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