I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
