I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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