Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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