He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize