After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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