I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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