ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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