new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
