I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
