idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
