I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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