hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
