Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
