she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
