Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
