is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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