Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
