The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
