There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize