the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize