I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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