Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize