i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
