OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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