He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
