is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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