the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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