There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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