Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
