if only i could text you this smell
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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