This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
