im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
