I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
