I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
