I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize