and i looked up. we had an audience...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
