Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
