If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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