We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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