don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
