taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
