It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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