shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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