dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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