I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
