I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
