Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
