do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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