just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
