there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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