I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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