Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
