i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
