Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
