Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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