Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
