Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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