i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
PANTIES FOUND
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
