I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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