hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
