i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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