you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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