4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
