she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
