so that wasnt chicken after all
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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