Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sarcasm needs its own font
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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