it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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